hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He felt like a one man threesome
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
