This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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