last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
