You're so nebulous sometimes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
