That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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