it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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