is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
