when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This house was built for laser tag.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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