Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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