dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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