I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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