I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize