so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
