I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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