Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
