I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You need a sexual gate keeper
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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