I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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