oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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