Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize