The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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