obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
