I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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