so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize