it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
