Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
