My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
