I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize