my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
