Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
