ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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