I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
