i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
