I need help removing her.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize