you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
