i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
