I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
