I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
