Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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