stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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