Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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