Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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