He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
