my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize