i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
