i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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