there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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