What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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