Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
