I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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