I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
