I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
50% drunk capacity currently
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
