The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
