let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
