I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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