I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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