Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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