she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
