I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
