I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
