I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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