Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize