y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sext me about skeletons
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
