Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
