Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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