just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
