she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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