either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
