You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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