Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
