next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
