i don't like sucking hair
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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