He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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