First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize