i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
