one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
