Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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