I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
