The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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