i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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