My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
