Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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