I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
