Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
