What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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