do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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