Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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