I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
