I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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