Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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