You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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