I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
