Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
