Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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