If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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