he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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