eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
