The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize