whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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