And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am puke
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
