oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
