Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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