I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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