woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
