i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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